The Power of the Nod

Have you ever noticed how people nod in agreement so spontaneously with immediacy long before they formulate an opinion or critique of what they were listening to? As a keynote speaker, the nods I see in the audience tell me volumes more than what people may say to me afterward or write in their evaluations of my talk. Being so spontaneous, the nod is a form of body language that demonstrates direct response without having taken the path through the mind with all its filters of political correctness, image projection, peer approval and polished wording which results in the prepared critique. 

 

I remember a talk I gave on organizational systems change some years ago in Colorado to a group consisting mostly of organizational consultants. I asked them if they had the experience of doing some large scale change work inside a company, getting a very positive endorsement from the person in the company who hired them and being well paid for their work. They leave taking great pride in their contribution to the company and very hopeful the new changes will become permanently integrated into the company culture.

 

Then I asked them if they ever had cause to revisit the company, only to discover the person who hired them previously was no longer there, and noticed the culture was exactly as it had been before their previous engagement. Lots of nods! Things had reverted to the old ways and hadn’t changed a bit!

 

Finally I asked if, after this experience, they seriously doubted their work made any difference and how that made them feel.

 

I was amazed at how many heads were nodding even before I finished my query, as if they knew where I was going ahead of time. I got the distinct impression they had made this inquiry on their own and the experience of disappointment was quite common.

 

Going by the immediacy of assenting nods as I was making my inquiries, the experience was not only very common it was also disheartening to these people because they wanted to think their work had made a positive and lasting difference.

 

I went on to talk about the need to deal with organizational systems from a whole system perspective and employ systems dynamic principles if large scale change has any chance for sustaining and how it has to be transformational or things will inevitably revert. When I was finished with my talk and people came up to me afterward, a few commented on my questions and confessed somewhat sheepishly that they had those experiences. But the large majority of people who talked with me afterward avoided the subject or mentioned how they know so many consultants who have “that problem,” implying they did not.

 

If I assessed the responses to my questions by the nods I got I’d say 90% shared the experience. If I went by comments after my talk, I’d say 15-20%. People had time to think more about what they might say, edit it and run it past their considerations like “what will John think of me if I confess this has been my experience?” and “what should I say that might be overheard by my fellow consultants?” or “what can I say that portrays me as an effective agent for change?”

 

In short, I will put more stock in a head nod than in what people say. That uncensored response to something people take in as valid is far more accurate a read on where they are than any conjured up critique. Give me the nods anytime!

Comments

[Debbe Kennedy]

I loved this post! It is so true that our spontaneous responses...and what's behind our NODs can be powerful. Recently, I had a chance to recognize just how powerful a NOD can be as a gesture of ACKNOWLEDGEMENT and APPRECIATION too. I actually learned this from watching ADAM LAMBERT on American Idol this year. In one of his most BRILLIANT performances early-on Adam demonstrates. It was moving see him turn, stopping in MID-SONG ON-STAGE before the song finale in front of millions, to give the band a intimate thank you gift--- A NOD wrapped in two seconds of Adam's undivided attention and gratitude. It transcended words and you get to see it. Adam Lambert - DISCO NIGHT: Play that Funky Music Worth watching
http://tinyurl.com/AdamFunky

I hope I can be more conscious of giving this same kindness to others in my own world and trust and pay attention more to spontaneous responses.

Debbe Kennedy

[John Renesch]

Thanks Debbe, glad it struck a chord with you....as they said years ago, words are only a small part of our communication (like seven percent or so) ...the rest is nonverbal. Love your example from Idol too!