WOMEN: Origins of Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Wouldn't you love to know that your face and sense of being always reflected the inner confidence and self-assuredness of this dear little face? How do we slip away from this at times in our lives as grown women?

Self-esteem and self-respect are influenced by so many things that have touched our lives. Interestingly, with all the discussions and realities of gender differences, Helen Fisher, anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They are Changing the World, points out, "Men and women exhibit no difference in what psychologists call 'internal competitiveness,' the desire to meet personal goals and display excellence." YEAH! However, Helen does go on to tell us, "But men score much higher in 'external competitiveness,' the willingness to elbow others aside to get ahead." 

Within our circle of women, as well as within the relationships we build with men, we are challenged to appreciate one another across a wide spectrum of dimensions of our difference. Whether it is cultural, ethnic, experiences, thinking styles, ways of expression, religion, skills, family, country, language or an array of other possibilities, there is much for us to consider about one other in every interaction. When I wrote my book, Putting Our Differences to Work, I had an opportunity to graphically demonstrate what I felt for so many years --- that a single dimension of difference --- even that of WOMAN --- hardly described all that each of us brings to our lives and work. 

There have been several enduring influences as I've thought about our origins of self-esteem and self-respect and how we can re-shape them by broadening our perspectives. One came from Maya Angelou:
 
"I note the obvious differences between each sort and type, but we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike." 

While we want to fully embrace the many dimensions of difference that make us who we are. Sometimes, unintentionally we end up focusing far too much on what separates us and makes us different in our approach to life, instead of remembering our sameness too --- that most of us want the same courtesies and appreciation for who we are. Misunderstanding between men and women --- and women and women --- and men and men, often seems to come up because we get so invested in our way, our point of view, or our own needs that we end up in a face-off that is uncomfortable and sometimes a silent, lonely place of being misunderstood.

It also seems more and more that what lurks around misunderstanding on all sides are issues of self-esteem and self-respect that seem to stand in the shadows of the human experience for most of us ---even for those who stand outwardly so tall and confident. Here I always remember the wisdom of Sadie Delaney, one of the treasured Centenarians in the United States [BOOK: On My Own at 107 by Sarah L. Delaney]:

"You hear all this talk about self-esteem or self-respect, as if it were something other people could give you. ...What it really means is knowing you're a person of value."

What this says to me is that when we grow enough to truly---and consistently live---with a constant knowing of our value and potential for greatness, we can be more accepting of others who may not yet be in that place themselves --- or perhaps slip now and then, as we all do. How great it is that we are given such a rich opportunity to practice, growing in our own sense of self-esteem and self-respect every day, so we can in turn bring moments of listening and understanding to all who cross our paths.

How will you move through your life day-to-day this week --- this year --- with a greater sense of appreciation for yourself and others?

I leave you pondering this question myself and welcome your thoughts in return.

Warm regards...
Debbe

Debbe Kennedy
Founder, Global Dialogue Center
www.globaldialoguecenter.com
Home of Women in the Lead

Twitter: @debbekennedy

Author...
Putting Our Differences to Work
The Fastest Way to Innovation, Leadership and High Performance
by Debbe Kennedy ▪ Berrett-Koehler ▪ 2008 – Hardcover
Foreword by Joel A. Barker, futurist, filmmaker and author
www.puttingourdifferencestowork.com

Comments

[Meredith]

This entry strikes a chord with me because it’s something I think about a lot, but more frequently the last few weeks than ever. One recommendation I’ve heard is to take a look at ourselves as if we were our friend observing us, and note our strengths, pay attention to what we love about ourselves, what makes us a good person, and to then record that and come back to it—remember it—hold onto it. does anyone have advice as to how we might work on ‘growing enough to truly---and consistently live---with a constant knowing of our value and potential for greatness, we can be more accepting of others who may not yet be in that place themselves’?

[Janina Browarska]

Needed this Debbe...am workiing with a verge and what I thought was "fait accoompli" has turned out to be even more and a win win situation both for myself and another.....one step at a time to make radical changes :-)

Best regards
Nina