The Meaning Difference

The Power and Meaning of FORGIVENESS

Getting to forgiveness is perhaps the most challenging thing that we can do to go "beyond ourselves."  This is especially hard to do when we are at work because our emotional ties may not be as strong, and therefore neither is the motivation to forgive.

Forgiveness means letting go of our suffering.  It has much more to do with our own well-being that that of the person we forgive.  When we hold on to our suffering--our resentment, hurt, anger--we are inside ourselves with self-pity.  It becomes a veil through which we see ourselves and others; it becomes something we have to feed, keep alive, and justify.  If we don't, we think we allow the other person to be "right" in their unjust treatment of us.

But forgiveness can be one of the most powerful things we do.  Like any muscle, however, it has to be exercised to work well. Forgiveness can be complicated.  Sometimes we think that it equates to forgetting, diminishing, or condoning the misdeed, but it doesn't.  It has much more to do with freeing ourselves from its hold. Our ability to live our lives with love and generosity is impeded when we don't forgive.  It doesn't mean that we have to love and be generous to the woman who was disloyal to us at work or the man who belittled our ideas at a staff meeting.  It means we forgive them and liberate ourselves from further captivity.  Love and generosity will return in their own time (the same holds true for things that happen to us in our personal lives).

Importantly, when we go beyond ourselves--whether to forgiveness, unselfishness, thoughtfulness, generosity, and understanding toward others--we enter into the "spiritual realm" of meaning.  By giving beyond ourselves, we make our own lives richer.  This is a truth long understood at the heart of all meaningful spiritual traditions.  It's a mystery that can only be experienced.  And when we do experience it, we are in the heart of meaning.  We are no longer "prisoners of our thoughts."

Now ask yourself: Have you ever experienced the spiritual realm of meaning by extending beyond yourself in any of the ways mentioned above?  What is your perspective (and experience) with getting to forgiveness, be it in your personal life or at work? 

If you would like more information about the Logotherapeutic Principle of Self-Transcendence, that is, "Extend Beyond Yourself," see Chapter 10 of my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work.

Meaningfully,
Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
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Also available on iTUNES. 

Eliot "Mess not Ness" Spitzer

There’s a time worn saying in politics that “the office corrupts the man (person).”  Is this what happened to New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, known as the “cape crusader” (Time Magazine had named him “Crusader of the Year” during his two terms as New York attorney general) and as “Eliot Ness” for his battle against corruption, including prostitution rings, and for his valiant efforts to clean up Gotham City?  How, we might ask, could he be so stupid?  Or so hypocritical?  Or so arrogant?!  Did he actually believe that he was above the law and therefore could do whatever he “desired” and wherever he was “driven,” even if it meant being dishonest to his family, constituents, and even to himself?  Whatever happened to “Honest Abe” Lincoln?  For those of you who might not be up on your American history, I’m referring to U.S. President Abraham Lincoln (who, by the way, was a Republican).

Whatever eventually happens to “Client 9,” legally, politically, and personally, it appears that this is a situation in which the “will to pleasure” and “will to power” have trumped the “will to meaning.”  For reasons that may not surface for some time, if ever, Mr. Spitzer’s authentic commitment to meaningful values and goals (i.e., the will to meaning) was sacrificed on multiple levels--personal, family, professional, and political.  Somewhere along his path, Spitzer lost his way; moving the needle on his moral/ethical compass from meaning to power and pleasure.  And, unfortunately, as usually is the case in such matters, there will be collateral damage in the wake of his personal choices.

Of course, especially during this milestone year in American politics, Governor Spitzer’s actions should not be cause to shy away from--and further distrust--those who take their responsibilities to “manage the public’s business” seriously, either as elected/appointed officials or as civil servants.  If anything, Eliot Spitzer has, once again, raised the bar when it comes to public sector ethics (even though I’m sure that he had not planned to do so in this particular way!).  Individually and collectively, let’s seek to learn and grow from the Eliot “Mess.”  Let’s hold our public officials responsible and accountable for “walking their talk” by demonstrating that we, the electorate, won’t take it any more!  And, as odd as it may seem, let’s thank Eliot Spitzer for demonstrating why it is so vitally important to raise the bar of expectations for those who seek elected office.  Indeed, we should make it perfectly clear that serving as a guardian of the public trust and interest is nothing less than a noble calling.  And as such, we fully expect and demand that our public officials demonstrate that it is the will to meaning, not power or pleasure, that guides their decisions and actions.

What thoughts come to mind for you as you think about
choosing meaning over power and pleasure in your own life?

Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
Learn more

NEW EDITION: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

Buy a copy at Amazon.com

International Bestseller! PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS is included in the national Top-10 bestseller list for nonfiction books by EL PERIÓDICO, a national newspaper of Spain!