The Meaning Difference

Patrick Swayze and the Meaning of Life's Moments

"Whom the gods love, dies young," wrote the Greek playwright, Menander

After waging a courageous, year-and-a-half-long battle with pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze, an actor and classically-trained dancer whose leading roles in the blockbuster films Dirty Dancing and Ghost made him a popular movie star, died on Monday, September 14th. He was only 57 years old. "I'm proud of what I'm doing," Swayze told the New York Times last October when he was still filming The Beast, an A&E television series in which he starred as an unorthodox FBI agent. "How do you nurture a positive attitude when all the statistics say you're a dead man? You go to work."

Now how's that for inspiration? And Swayze's words and actions throughout his very personal and, unfortunately, sometimes very public ordeal also demonstrate and underscore that, in all situations, no matter how desperate they may appear or actually be, you always have the ultimate freedom to choose your attitude. This is a core principle of Viktor Frankl's System of Logotherapy, a meaning-centered approach to healing, health, and wellness, and is the first principle that I introduce in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts.

I have always admired Patrick Swayze, both as an actor and as a person. In addition, I've felt a kinship with him for many years because we both shared a passion for horses and for the martial arts. Interestingly enough, Swayze and his wife of more than 30 years, Lisa, own a ranch and lived part time not too far from my home in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It is here, in the Land of Enchantment, where Swayze came when he wanted to get some true peace and quiet. "I fell in love with New Mexico when I was shooting Red Dawn," he told Variety magazine. "It's my healing place." The Swayzes even renewed their wedding vows at their New Mexico ranch in May 2008. This precious "meaning moment," I should add, took place in the midst of their campaign to overcome the deadly disease that was attacking Patrick's body.

Of course, we all know people, often people who are very close to us, who have passed on. We may even have experienced the death of loved ones who have also battled against terminal illnesses, like pancreatic cancer, for which no cure yet exists. And, if we are so fortunate, we may know people who, like Patrick Swayze, were inspirations and role models for us in ways that are not always easy to describe. In spite of the personal hardships and formidable challenges that they faced in life, these people, in no uncertain terms, represent human beings at their best, even if the human condition that they experienced was at its worst. Plagued by inescapable forces that robbed them of their physical strength and well-being, we bear witness to the resiliency and unlimited power of the human mind and spirit. We breathe, therefore we are spiritual; life is, therefore it is meaningful.

For those of you who have read my contributions before, you know that they are grounded firmly in the philosophy and approach of the world-renowned psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, author of the classic bestseller Man's Search for Meaning, as well as the meaning-centered principles introduced in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts.

To honor Patrick Swayze's life and legacy, as well as the other inspirational role models who have left us more enriched by their presence, I would like here to introduce you to and/or remind you of a meaning-centered principle that requires your immediate attention from this day forward: "Detect the Meaning of Life's Moments." Said differently in Chapter 6 of my book, only you can answer for your own life by detecting the meaning at any given moment and assuming responsibility for weaving your unique tapestry of existence.

In actuality, we don't really "create" meaning, we find it. And we can't find it if we don't look for it. Meaning comes to us in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it looms big in our lives (like when we are diagnosed with a terminal disease as did Patrick Swayze); sometimes it slips in almost unobserved (like when we are greeted at home by a spouse or child after work). Sometimes we miss a meaningful moment entirely until days, months, or even years go by and then suddenly something that once seemed insignificant becomes a pivotal, life-changing moment. Sometimes, too, it is the collective meaning of many moments that finally catches our mind's eye; as if we weave together a living quilt from patches of moments that, by themselves, would have passed us by unnoticed.

And although we are not always aware of it, meaning, as Dr. Frankl would say, is in every present moment. It goes without saying- - wherever we go. All we have to do, in our daily life and at work, is to wake up to meaning and take notice. And, importantly, we don't have to wait until we face death in the eye to wake up to meaning and take notice (however, often it takes becoming conscious of our own mortality before we recognize this important fact of life!).

I am convinced that, in the final analysis, there is no situation that does not contain within it the seed of a meaning...Life retains its meaning under any conditions. It remains meaningful literally up to its last moment, up to one's last breath.--Viktor Frankl

It has been said that it is more important to be aware than it is to be smart. To be aware is to know meaning. Importantly, by reflecting upon our existence and seeking to detect the meaning of life's moments, we also create opportunities to draft our life's legacy, albeit as a work in progress, before it is our time to die and experience what Socrates said "may be the greatest of all human blessings." And thank you, Patrick, for being such an inspiration and role model for all of us. You will be missed but never forgotten.

Meaningfully,
Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
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Adapted and reprinted from Alex Pattakos, Huffington Post

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Also available on iTUNES.  

No One Left Behind: Searching for Meaning in Education

“The beginning of every government starts with the education of our youth,” Pythagoras, the Greek philosopher and mathematician, advises us. 

The official end of summer is nearing and with it comes the beginning of the new school year.  Back to school sales are a familiar sight and last minute family outings try to hold on to time quickly passing by.  Whether anyone likes it or not, it’s time to get back to the books, parent-teacher conferences, academic standards, career planning, extracurricular activities, and, hopefully, the joy of learning (as well as an uneventful flu season)! 

Yet with all of the attention being paid to the health care reform, or as some would prefer to call it, the “health insurance,” debate, there does not appear to be much concern about reforming another massive human service system that also isn’t working as well as it should.  I’m talking about education reform.  And one would think, along the lines suggested by Pythagoras, that a focus on improving the quality of education in America, along with an investment in “educating” the public about the fundamental importance of education in creating and sustaining a democratic society, would be no-brainers.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid that we have not yet realized­-and perhaps do not fully understand­-the true meaning and implications of Pythagoras’s profound words.

Last year, I contributed an essay to a book with the powerful and provocative title, Responsibility 911: With Great Liberty Comes Great Responsibility.  Importantly, the 56 authors in this anthology make a strong and diversified case for the role that responsibility plays in a free society.  The contributors, moreover, represent the gamut of political perspectives, as well as come from the diverse worlds of business, government, and nonprofits, including religion and education.  Besides my chapter, for example, this book includes contributions from the likes of George W. Bush, Jack Canfield, Howard Gardner, George McGovern, Barack Obama, John McCain, Pope John Paul II, Ross Perot, Tom Peters, Christopher Reeve, Anita Roddick, Norman Schwartzkopf, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Desmond Tutu, and Oprah Winfrey.  You get the picture!  The issue of personal (and collective) responsibility is examined from multiple, diverse points of view.

Let me suggest now that the ideals of education reform are closely tied to the responsibility issue.  Moreover, unlike the debate surrounding health care, which is treated, more often than not, strictly as a matter of “entitlement,” the aims of education can never be achieved without personal responsibility on the parts of students/learners, parents, teachers, and other involved stakeholders, in addition to the collective responsibility of families, local/state jurisdictions, and other levels of community and society.  To be sure, there are also elements of personal responsibility at work in the health care arena, such as those that require “preventive” action to reduce health care costs and counteract the illnesses, diseases, and accidents that require primary care intervention.  This said, in a “managed care” and “disease management” culture, health care in America still is based more on a “take care of me,” sickness, entitlement model than it is one based on the notion of personal responsibility for health and wellness.

In the education arena, a “teach me,” ignorance, entitlement model has less chance of observable or sustainable success without a measurable dose of responsibility by those seeking access to and services from the “system.”  In other words, while you, as a patient, don’t necessarily have to be “engaged” with health care service providers in order to achieve the benefits that they offer, you, as a student (or parent), do need to be engaged with education service providers, especially teachers, in order to achieve the benefits that they offer.  The education process, in the final analysis, is a two-way street.  Minus some kind of brain implant like those depicted in science fiction, which is probably something that we would not want to see become reality, the true benefits of education derive as the “return on investment” that is made in yourself and in your future.  And this kind of “ROI” can only occur when you become fully engaged and demonstrate that you are responsible for the investment.

I’ve had the good fortune of sharing my meaning-centered message with public school systems and other educational entities and speaking at conferences where the pursuit of excellence in education was the primary theme.  For example, I’ve keynoted the National Quality Education Conference in the USA, as well as addressed some 10,000 teachers in Canada.  Most recently, I had the opportunity to be the convocation keynote speaker and conduct in-service training for teachers and administrators representing an independent school district in Texas.  Importantly, the topic of my engagement with the local school district was “Meaningful Improvement: Engaging Minds, Achieving Results.”  In other words, education “reform,” to be truly effective and sustainable, needs to be both meaningful and engaging.  And the power of full engagement, in all of life’s pursuits, stems from the search for meaning, which is the primary, intrinsic motivation of human beings.  This basic tenet, moreover, applies to everyone involved in the educational process­-students, parents, teachers, administrators, and the community-at-large. 

No person can be left behind if we really expect to see meaningful improvement in our education “system,” broadly-defined, become a reality.

Meaningfully,
Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
Learn more

Adapted and reprinted from Alex Pattakos, Huffington Post

NEWEST EDITIONS: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

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New Audiobook Digital Download Now Available! The digital download version of PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work can now be obtained from both iTunes and Audible.com, which means you can listen to it on your computer, iPod, or other MP3 player . Here is the direct link to Audible.com: Prisoners of Our Thoughts Digital Download
Also available on iTUNES.  

LOVE IS THE ULTIMATE AND HIGHEST GOAL

This seems a timely topic to revisit.

"Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire....The salvation of man is through love and in love.  I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the comtemplation of his beloved."  Dr. Viktor Frankl wrote these words in his classic bestseller, Man's Search for Meaning, a book that was first published in German in 1946 under the title, Ein Psycholog erlebt das Konzentrationslager (From Death-Camp to Existentialism).  For good reason, Man's Search for Meaning remains one of the most important books of modern times (the Library of Congress named it one of the ten most influential books in America).  Indeed, Frankl's personal story of finding a reason to live in the most horrendous of circumstances--Nazi concentration camps--has inspired millions.

So, it is against this personal backdrop that Dr. Frankl's quote about love must be considered.  And considered very seriously.  You see, although Dr. Frankl was blessed with surviving his horrific ordeal in four different Nazi death camps, including Auschwitz, his mother, father, wife, and brother were not so fortunate.  And even though he had been stripped of everything, down--literally--to the bare bones of his humanity, Viktor Frankl experienced moments of bliss, especially when he thought of his beloved--his wife, his parents, his brother, and others who were dear to him.  In no uncertain terms, Frankl learned unequivocally that love was his salvation and that, among all of the values that offered him a source of personal meaning, it was love that proved to be the "ultimate and highest goal to which he could aspire."

I would like all of us to reflect seriously upon the above passage from Man's Search for Meaning, along with Dr. Frankl's personal, love-affirming experience--today, tomorrow, and forever.

There are two online self-learning exhibits at the Global Dialogue Center that help to bring Viktor Frankl ideas to life:

• Viktor Frankl: The Man, His Message, His Principles
  at the Knowledge Gallery. Also be sure to watch the excerpt from
  Joel Barker's Power of Vision video filmed in Auschwitz.
• Light in the Dark: A Tribute to Viktor Frankl
  with a poem by Sara Robinson

Consider these questions...
What do you think about Viktor Frankl insight?  How does it make you feel? 
How and in what ways are you bringing and weaving love into your life?  Into your work?

Why not make now the time to affirm too that "love is the ultimate and highest goal" to which we all can aspire?! For more information about this topic, and to learn how it relates to the Will to Meaning, see Chapter 5, "Realize Your Will to Meaning," in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work.  And, of course, let me know--either through this blog or directly--if you have any questions or comments!

Meaningfully,
Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
Learn more

NEWEST EDITIONS: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

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New Audiobook Digital Download Now Available! The digital download version of PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work can now be obtained from both iTunes and Audible.com, which means you can listen to it on your computer, iPod, or other MP3 player . Here is the direct link to Audible.com: Prisoners of Our Thoughts Digital Download
Also available on iTUNES. 

Can You Deal with Life’s “Crises”?

Faced with an economic crisis, a housing crisis, a healthcare crisis, a global warming crisis, and a “war on terror” that appears to have no end in sight, it’s no wonder that Americans are becoming increasingly stressed out!  To be sure, life in the 21st Century is much more complex and complicated than what I had imagined when I was growing up.  By the time we reached that magical year, “2000,” I visualized and assumed that we all would be living in a utopian world much like “The Jetsons,” the popular animated television show of the 1960s (by the way, a live-action adaptation of The Jetsons, produced by Hanna-Barbera Productions and Warner Brothers, is set for release in 2009!).

Alright, so the future is here and what I had imagined as a child--that is, my utopian, “Jetson-like,” heaven on earth vision--did not come to pass.  And, yes, we live in uncertain, volatile, fragile, and undoubtedly, stressful times.  But life goes on, does it not?  Why is it, however, that some people appear to have an easier time dealing with complex and challenging situations than others?  And why do some people seem more capable of coping with stress, life challenges, and even “crises” outside of their control, than others?  One could say that through our various life experiences and from the investments we make in our own personal growth and development, our repertoire of coping skills can and usually does change over time.  In other words, when we invest in ourselves­-through, for instance, such things as training, counseling, and various methods of self-discovery--the return, we figure, is going to be a renewed effectiveness in dealing with life’s situations and, ideally, a more healthy and fulfilling life.

Naturally, this sounds pretty good.  I’m afraid, however, that good intentions are not enough to get us through the myriad of life transitions that we all must face.  Let me propose further that it’s simply not enough to have a repertoire of coping skills (or, put differently, a “toolbox” filled with coping mechanisms) at our disposal, no matter how much we may have “paid” for them, when confronting life’s formidable challenges and when dealing with stress.  There is actually something more fundamental that, ultimately, must precede the use of such mechanisms if we really want to build and sustain our “coping” and stress management capabilities.

I was blessed to have as a mentor, the world-renown psychiatrist, Dr. Viktor Frankl, whose personal story of finding a reason to live in the most horrendous of circumstances­Nazi concentration camps­has inspired millions of people all around the world.  In my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts (which I wrote at Dr. Frankl’s personal urging), you’ll find his philosophy and therapeutic approach applied to life and work in the 21st Century.  In this regard, here is an important passage from my book that relates directly to building one’s capacity for dealing with stress even under unimaginable conditions; it describes Frankl’s thoughts upon his arrival at Auschwitz:

Unless there was a 100% guarantee that I will be killed here on the spot, and I will never survive this concentration camp last part of my life, unless there is any guarantee, I’m responsible for living from now on in a way that I may make use of the slightest chance of survival, ignoring the great danger surrounding me in also all of the following camps I had been sent.  This, as it were, a coping, not mechanism, but a coping maxim I adopted, I espoused, at that moment.
(Emphasis Added)

In Frankl’s case, had he not adopted his coping beliefs upon his arrival at Auschwitz, he might not have been able to sustain his optimistic and passionate view about his chances of survival. Importantly, by choosing his fundamental attitude, which he called his “coping maxim,” the coping mechanisms in his psychiatrist tool kit then became more meaningful and effective, not only for himself but also for his fellow prisoners, who were trying against the odds to survive the inescapable horrors of the Nazi death camps.

What lessons, we should all ask ourselves, can we learn from Dr. Frankl’s experience?  Think about difficult situations in your own life or work in which your attitude played a defining role in how well you were able to cope.  Think about the coping mechanisms that were at your disposal.  Did you choose to use them?  Why or why not?  How effective were you in coping with the situation and the stresses that may have been associated with it?  Now ask yourself a more fundamental question: What guides your coping skills?  In other words, what principle or principles underlie your decision-making during crises and in complex, challenging, and stressful situations?

Now ponder the times when you observed people who were guided by their coping skills in difficult decision-making situations.  I am sure that you can identify cases of extraordinary resolve by your family members, friends, and co-workers during times of hardship­personal or occupational.  Although these situations may not have been as catastrophic as that experienced by Viktor Frankl, they may still have been formidable and highly stressful, and perhaps even inescapable, challenges to overcome or survive. 

• What can you learn from these people and how will you “grow” from their experiences? 
• As a result, what principle or principles will underlie and guide your decision-making in complex, challenging, and stressful situations, including crises, now and in the future? 
• What is your coping maxim?

All the best,
Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
Learn more

NEW EDITION: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

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International Bestseller! PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS is included in the national Top-10 bestseller list for nonfiction books by EL PERIÓDICO, a national newspaper of Spain

Finding Meaning in the Financial Crisis

You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to uncover clues that our country is going through difficult times.  Most recently, the unfolding drama on Wall Street looks like a scene from “Extreme Makeover” and does little to instill public, let alone investor, confidence in our financial and regulatory institutions.   Fuel prices, which skyrocketed over the summer, continue to create both pain and panic at the pump.  The cost of groceries is also rising at an alarming rate, making it more difficult than ever for families to put food on the table.  We’re now all too familiar with the mortgage meltdown, with the housing and credit crises, with bank closings, as well as with the steady loss of jobs, including the all-too-frequent draconian job cuts, in corporate America.  The U.S. economy, according to many observers, is derailing and on the brink of a recession.  And to complicate matters further, the political landscape, domestically and internationally, and the global economy are uncertain and volatile.  To say the least, we are living in a highly stressful environment.  And within this environment, more and more people are facing formidable challenges in their personal and work lives as they struggle to make ends meet.

It is probably fair to say that most children in America today have never witnessed such hard times, let alone have had to experience this kind of situation before.  And although we may hate to admit it, our children (o.k., many parents too!) have become spoiled, for lack of a better term, by what they now “expect” from life in the contemporary era.  Increasing societal affluence has brought with it more choices, especially in the material realm (for example, think about the constantly-changing trends in fashion and the continuous barrage of technological “gadgets” that apparently one cannot live without these days!), most of which carry a high price tag not only in financial but also in emotional terms for American parents and their families.  Indeed, the disturbing implications of both the “paradox of choice” and what is now being called “affluenza,” a new disease-like phenomenon of epidemic proportions, have become so ubiquitous in society today that you can even find books with titles bearing these exact words in your local bookstore and library!

It is against--and in response to--this increasingly complex backdrop, with its pervasive symptoms, that Americans, both individually and collectively, now find themselves looking for answers.

Many of you may remember the words uttered not too long ago by former U.S. Senator and economist, Phil Gramm, who downplayed the idea that the nation was in a financial recession; instead, he “diagnosed” the situation as a “mental recession,” likening the country’s (and its citizen’s) ills to what we all know as mental depression.  In this regard, Gramm provocatively said that “We have sort of become a nation of whiners,…complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline.”  Although I don’t happen to agree with Senator Gramm’s diagnosis, I do believe that Americans, like all people, must consciously and deliberately resist the human tendency to become “prisoners of their thoughts.”  Only in this way may we increase our capacity to cope effectively and creatively with whatever comes our way in life--from the smallest disappointments to the most formidable of life’s challenges.  And this includes our capacity, as individuals and as a nation, to deal with the current financial crisis.

In this regard, I learned not many years ago from Thomas Moore, psychotherapist and author of the bestselling book, Care of Our Soul, that our most soulful times are when we are “out of balance,” not when we are in balance!  In other words, it is when we are facing formidable challenges and when we are dealing with crises, that we are most likely to do some really deep “soul-searching.”  And it is during these especially difficult times when our will to meaning, that is, our authentic commitment to meaningful values and goals, comes into sharp focus and we are prompted to make key choices about what really matters to us and in our lives. 

Even our choice of attitude, I should add, is put to the test!  We must remember that, although we may not be totally free from the various conditions or situations that confront us, we always can choose how we respond to them, at the very least through our choice of attitude.  This means (no pun intended) more than having the “audacity of hope”--for hope, by itself, is not a strategy.  Importantly, it requires that we assume personal (and collective) responsibility for exercising this ultimate freedom by taking action, albeit through a positive mindset focused on the power of intention, rather than resorting to a “poor me” attitude and a “victim” mentality.  Perhaps this is what Phil Gramm really meant, to afford him the benefit of the doubt, by his insensitive-sounding diagnosis!

I also want to underscore that one of the real powers of positive thinking and what the world-renown psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, referred to as “true optimism,” is that it is good for your physical, mental, and spiritual health!  As I describe in my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, this intrinsic “power” (a true form of “empowerment”) not only helped Dr. Frankl survive the horrors of the Nazi death camps but also provided a meaningful platform for creative expression and action that he used throughout his life.  By “releasing” himself from a self-imposed thought prison, Frankl was able to open up possibilities for creative action while maintaining a positive vision of the future.  This, in no way, is intended to marginalize or minimize his concentration camp ordeal. 

“Each of us has his own inner concentration camp…we must deal with, with forgiveness and patience¾as full human beings, as we are and what we will become.”¾Viktor Frankl, M.D., Ph.D.

On the contrary, among the many lessons to be learned from Viktor Frankl’s life and legacy is one of hope and possibility.  Dr. Frankl saw the human condition at its worst, and human beings behaving in ways intolerable to the imagination.  He also saw human beings rising to heights of compassion and caring in ways that can only be described as miraculous acts of unselfishness and transcendence.  Indeed, there is something in us that can rise above and beyond everything that we think possible.  Our instinct for meaning, in our personal lives and in our work, is ours right now, at this very moment.  As long as we are not prisoners of our thoughts.

Sometimes it is only when we enter a state of “creative destruction” that the keys to our liberation from our inner concentration camp become visible to us.  Just like we can only recognize “light” by knowing “darkness,” we can only move ourselves (and help others to do the same) towards the light by moving away from darkness.  By the same token, acknowledging the existence of despair is the first step towards meaning and “enlightenment.”  Again, without sounding like I’m trying to marginalize or minimize the significance of the current financial crisis, including the human suffering that it leaves in its wake, the inherent darkness that it brings also provides a platform for taking creative action towards the light of opportunity.

People’s lives will undoubtedly change and be changed.  The existential question, however, remains: is it change that you (and we) can believe in?  Coping with, surviving, and thriving through such times are not only about finances per se.  We also need to remain cognizant of the emotional, and, yes, spiritual, sides of the equation.  As odd as it may sound, there is always something positive that may result from, or at least be associated with, something negative.  Think about it.  As one door closes, another one opens (If, of course, we are “open” to such possibilities and are willing to take responsibility for walking through the door.).  As one door closes, we are given an opportunity to learn even more about ourselves, including our true, core values, than we might have thought was possible (If, of course, we really want to learn and grow from our life experiences.).  As one door closes, we are also challenged to find creative solutions to our plight in ways that may even surprise us (If, of course, we choose not be become or remain a victim of our circumstances.)!

Finding “meaning” in the financial crisis, to be sure, is much easier said than done.  Let’s face it, it’s hard work!  And it often requires making sacrifices; sacrifices that we don’t really want to make.  Who really wants to take a family “staycation,” that is, a vacation spent at home, rather than going away to some exciting vacation spot?  At first blush, it doesn’t sound very appealing, does it?  However, besides creating an opportunity to save money and thereby place less strain on the family’s budget, what else does this creative idea promise?  Well, families who have chosen the staycation route have made a commitment, conscious or not, to spread the “sacrifice” by holding all family members, parents and children alike, responsible for making it happen, as well as for making it happen for the benefit of everyone.  It’s no longer just the parents who must sacrifice something for the sake of living in a postmodern world where the “paradox of choice” and “affluenza” run rampant.  Moreover, going on staycation has actually brought family members together in authentic and meaningful ways.  And I suspect that when the family eventually does plan for a getaway “vacation,” it will be valued more highly and result in an even more memorable and, again, meaningful, experience!  Now start your creative engines and explore other ways in which you can find meaning in the financial crisis, regardless of your personal circumstances!  And how can this new-found meaning guide you in a positive way through the abyss?

On a more macro level, of course, the possibilities for finding “meaning” in the financial crisis are also unlimited.  In this connection, think about how various societal ills, at all levels, may actually benefit from the forces of “creative destruction” that we are witnessing in today’s world.  I know that it sounds a bit far-fetched and perhaps insensitive, but stay with me for a moment.  Have you ever known somebody who appeared to live her or his life on “cruise control” or “auto-pilot?”  You know, unaware of what really mattered?  What was really important to them and to those around them?  And then they faced a major, maybe even life-threatening, crisis--effectively, a life “wake-up call?”  More often than not, these people would describe such an experience as transformative for them.  On both personal and collective levels, the “meaning” of the financial crisis also holds the promise of being a transformative experience.  But it can only be so if, and this is a BIG if, we do not allow ourselves to become “prisoners of our thoughts!”  Like Viktor Frankl, I sincerely believe in the power and resiliency of human beings and the human spirit.  Yes, my dear Watson, there is a financial crisis but you will get through it!

With meaning,
Dr. Alex Pattakos
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
Learn more

NEW EDITIONS: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

Buy a copy at Amazon.com

International Bestseller! PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS is included in the national Top-10 bestseller list for nonfiction books by EL PERIÓDICO, a national newspaper of Spain!

The Search for Meaning at "Midlife"

I received a lot of inquiries over the last week from people who described some kind of existential angst or sincere concern about "midlife."  What, we may ask, is "midlife" and why should we even be concerned about it?  If I ask you to tell me the first word that comes to mind when I say "midlife," what would you say?  More often than not, the word "crisis" would pop up as being most closely associated with the word "midlife."  And when we describe people who appear to be experiencing a "midlife crisis," we usually don't describe them as being very "healthy," nor do we tend to describe them in glowing or positive terms.  In some way, they seem to be lost, their lives appear to be devoid of authentic meaning, and they may look--and even behave--like they are "regressing" in order to capture time gone by.  Let's face it, people with these characteristics are not a very pretty sight!  And, regrettably, they often become a burden on those around them.

So, again, what do we mean by "midlife" and how is it truly related to a life "crisis?"  From what I can discern, midlife transition is a natural stage that happens to many of us at some point in our lives.  Exactly when this point occurs, to muddy the waters further, is open to debate, although there appears to be agreement that it occurs usually at about age 40 years, give or take 20 years (how's that for precision)!

SYMPTOMS of MIDLIFE
Defining midlife, better known as midlife transition, is easier to do by describing the symptoms or behavioral manifestations that have been found to be associated with it.  These symptoms may and can include the following:

• Discontentment or boredom with life or with one's lifestyle (including people and things) that, more than likely, have provided fulfillment for a long time.
• Feeling restless and wanting to do something completely different.
• Questioning decisions made years earlier.
• Questioning the meaning of life, including "is that all there is"?
• Confusion about who you are, i.e., self-doubt, and/or where your life is going (For example, "Am I a failure?")
• Yearning for an earlier time in one's life and/or a desire to return to/take back one's youth and the things that it represents in mind, body, and spirit
• Sadness, depression, irritability, unexpected anger, aggression

MIDLIFE A TIME FOR REASSESSING
Midlife is also a time when many adults take on new job responsibilities and, therefore, often feel a need to reassess where they are and make changes while they feel they still have time.  In this regard, it was a psychologist, Elliot Jaques, who coined the term "midlife crisis" in a 1965 article in which he referred to a time when adults begin to realize their own mortality and reflect upon how much time they may have left in their lives.

The range of what we see and do
Is limited by what we fail to notice.
And because we fail to notice
That we fail to notice,
There is little we can do
To change
Until we notice
How failing to notice
Shapes our thoughts and deeds.

--R.D. Laing

But midlife is not only a time for reassessing our lives in the face of our own mortality. This transitional stage is also a time when our bodies undergo physical and hormonal changes.  Coupled with the emotional changes (refer to the list above) that occur during this "transition," life at midlife can be quite challenging even if it does not reach the level of "crisis" per se.  Likewise, even though these symptoms at midlife can occur naturally, they also could result from some significant loss or change--such as divorce, loss of a job, the death of a parent, having to care for aging parents, or children leaving the "nest."  Coming to terms with such loss or change, which often comprises a real "crisis" of its own, can be difficult enough, but when it is complicated by midlife transition, the process can feel bewildering and overwhelming.

It is especially at midlife when we encounter a critical crossroads on the path to meaning.  Rather than having a so-called "midlife crisis," writes Mark Gerzon in his book, Coming Into Our Own: Understanding the Adult Metamorphosis, we can, during this period, begin a search for deeper love, purpose, and meaning that becomes possible in life's "second" half.  In other words, envisioning life as a quest, not a crisis, during and after midlife is an opportunity that holds great potency for all.  Indeed, with increases in life expectancy, which is influencing how we define "midlife," more people of all ages are beginning to view life's second half as a meaningful pathway to unlimited possibilities. Whether or not you believe that the Chinese word, weiji ( translated as "crisis") is composed of the characters for "danger" and "opportunity," the fact remains that, in the final analysis, opportunity always awaits those who are experiencing "midlife," no matter what their chronological age or personal circumstances.   

Retirement at later stages of life demands attention to questions of meaning.   Why is it, for instance, that some people seem to "retire" from life while others simply transform or redesign themselves for new and meaningful challenges in living and work?  The life and legacy of Viktor Frankl have taught us, in no uncertain terms, to approach the aging process from a position of personal strength and in a way that respects the dignity of the human spirit.  The post-midlife years of Dr. Frankl, who had not retired at over 90 years of age, provides a window for us to see how important the search for meaning can actually be throughout our lifetime.

Not too long ago I came across a gentleman by the name of R. Waldo McBurney, who had been recognized as "America's Oldest Worker" in 2006.  At the time, Mr. McBurney was only 104 years young!  Among his many accomplishments since passing through "midlife," Waldo also became a published author (at the age of 102 years, I should add!).  But what is truly remarkable about his work is his attitude and perspective towards life itself.  Waldo's view of life is reflected in the title of his book, which I proudly display in my library: My First 100 Years!  Now how is that for exercising the freedom to choose your attitude and viewing life as an opportunity?  Moreover, when you read about Waldo's life, you learn right away that his is a life with meaning.

It's time to go inward, take a look at myself.
Time to make the most of the time that I've got left.
Prison bars imagined are no less solid steel.
--Rodney Crowell (Track #4 from the album, Fate's Right Hand)

So, what about your life?  And for those of you who are worried, concerned, or struggling with midlife (and beyond), please keep Waldo McBurney in mind.  And be willing to explore and accept your feelings, while not becoming a "prisoner" of your own thoughts.  Allow yourself time to reflect upon your life regularly, not only when you are forced to confront life's formidable challenges or "crises."  At worst, try to view your glass of life as being half-full, rather than half-empty (I recall a former client describing his glass as being not only half-empty but leaking too!).  To be sure, there are many, many things that you may do--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually--to live with meaning at all stages of life, including midlife.  Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to go find "Waldo," in you!

With meaning,
Dr. Alex Pattakos
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
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PRINCIPLE 4: --- Don’t work against yourself

Welcome again to the PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS conversation series. In this 2008 review, so far we have explored three of Viktor Frankl’s core principles:

---- Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude
---- Realize Your Will to Meaning
---- Detect the Meaning of Life’s Moments

If you missed these posts, I invite you to review them and add your thoughts!  I think you will benefit from the review as we move on to the fourth principle.

PRINCIPLE 4: --- Don’t work against yourself
Avoid becoming so obsessed with or fixated on an intent or outcome that you actually work against the desired result.

Have you ever worked so hard at something that the more you tried, the harder the task became and the farther away it seemed you got from your goal?  You know, one step forward, two steps back?  In such situations, it is common for us to cast the blame on everyone or anyone else...or at least to shift bulk of responsibility for failing to reach our objectives on to others.  In Prisoners of Our Thoughts, I share a personal example of working against myself---one that had far-reaching implications and meaningful lessons.  In reflection, I had several realizations:

• I had tried too hard to get everything done “my way.”
• This, in turn, estranged me from the very colleagues who were essential to the overall success I was working so hard to achieve.
• My fixation on the “right” way to do things marginalized the contribution(s) of others involved and even encouraged subtle forms of sabotage.
• Paradoxically, I had become my own worst enemy and didn’t even know it.

Even when the stakes are high and our success essential, focusing on the results rather than the process can actually get in the way of a successful outcome.  We all know how it works: our nervousness and anxiety about “getting it right” keep us from getting it right.  The higher our expectations about something, the more disconnected we are from the actual accomplishment of it all and the less able we are to participate in its successful unfolding.  Our good intentions actually become the cause of our failure.

Viktor Frankl calls this “paradoxical intention.”  When a specific success is so fervently sought that we overlook and neglect the relationships that are an integral part of the process, we lay the seeds for something to go wrong.  We fly in the face of our own success.  We neglect our own meaning, the meaning of others, and the meaning of the process.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The job at which one works is not what counts, but rather the manner in which one does the work. --- Viktor Frankl, The Doctor and the Soul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now consider these questions from you own experience…and write in to tell us your story. 
This will help us all learn from the process...

Can you recall a situation in your work or personal life in which the harder you worked to achieve an outcome, the farther away you seemed to be from the goal?

What made you recognize that you were not making progress?

How did you rationalize or justify your dilemma?  Who did you blame?

To what extent did you feel you were working against yourself?

What did you do about it?  What did you learn from it?  And, most importantly, how did you (are you going to) change, develop, and grow as a result of this experience?

I welcome hearing from you and will enjoy reading your posts.  I'll be checking in from time to time and look forward learning from you about what you’ve learned about the value in not working against yourself!

All the best,
Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
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NEW EDITION: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
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REALIZE YOUR WILL TO MEANING

Welcome "home" to the PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS conversation series!  As part of The Meaning Difference Blog, we want to devote space (and time) to a discussion of each of the meaning-centered principles described in my book, PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS.  In an earlier post, we introduced you to the first of Viktor Frankl’s principles, "Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude"  If you missed the post, I think you will benefit from reviewing it (even would like or need a refresher) as we move on to the second principle:

PRINCIPLE 2: REALIZE YOUR WILL TO MEANING---commit authentically to meaningful values and goals that only you can actualize and fulfill.

Unlike Sigmund Freud’s belief that as human beings we are driven by what he called the Pleasure Principle, known also as the "will to pleasure," and unlike Alfred Adler’s belief that, because human beings are born with feelings of inferiority, we are therefore driven by an innate need to strive for superiority over others (and our environment), know also as the "will for power," Frankl considers our main concern as people to be fulfilling a meaning and actualizing values---what he refers to as the will to meaning.  This primary, intrinsic motivation, in Viktor Frankl's view of human beings, stands in stark contrast to both those of Freud and Adler, who effectively reduce human behavior simply to the gratification and satisfaction of drives and instincts (a kind of "Who Moved My Cheese?" approach). 

In Prisoners of Our Thoughts, I cite a number of business examples we all recognize for each of these principles:

· Will to Pleasure – Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski’s $2 Million birthday bash that he threw for his wife at company expense.

· Will to Power – Ken Lay (Enron) and Bernie Ebbers (Worldcom).

· Will to Meaning - Those CEOs, who although they may also want (or seek) pleasure and authority, demonstrate that the primary motivation for their existence is neither.  Bill Hewlett and David Packard demonstrated Frankl’s will to meaning principle, building Hewlett-Packard from a one-car garage into one of the world’s most admired success stories.  It was a particular set of meaningful values, known as "The HP Way" that guided them in identifying and meeting their objectives, in working with one another, and in dealing with customers, shareholders, employees and others.

Besides these and other examples in my book, of course, there are many others that could be mentioned.  In this regard, I'm sure that you can identify illustrations of each of these principles from your own experience.  And let's not forget the examples that, especially of the will to pleasure and the will to power, that are "exposed" by the mass media.  The recent revelations of the sexual escapades of elected officials, such as former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, underscore that both of these principles continue to trump the will to meaning among those responsible for managing the public's business!

"A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the ‘why’ for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any ‘how’.”
--- Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

PUTTING MEANING INTO THIS CONVERSATION...
I'd really like know what you've experienced...and observed in your work and everyday life in regards to these different motivational forces.  Recall a situation in your personal or work life where you were challenged to examine your commitment to meaningful values or goals.  This may even be your current situation.  Perhaps it was or is a relationship or a job assignment that isn’t lining up with your personal values.  Perhaps you were or are just unhappy with the work you are doing.

Consider these questions…
· How did you first recognize this challenge?  What were the first signs?

· What, if anything, did you do? What would you like to do?

· How do you ensure that you remain committed to meaningful values and goals, thereby realizing your will to meaning in your life and work (or in your workplace)?

I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences.  I  look forward to learning about how you have recognized and continue to realize your will to meaning.

Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
Learn more

NEW EDITION: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

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International Bestseller! PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS is included in the national Top-10 bestseller list for nonfiction books by EL PERIÓDICO, a national newspaper of Spain!

The Power and Meaning of FORGIVENESS

Getting to forgiveness is perhaps the most challenging thing that we can do to go "beyond ourselves."  This is especially hard to do when we are at work because our emotional ties may not be as strong, and therefore neither is the motivation to forgive.

Forgiveness means letting go of our suffering.  It has much more to do with our own well-being that that of the person we forgive.  When we hold on to our suffering--our resentment, hurt, anger--we are inside ourselves with self-pity.  It becomes a veil through which we see ourselves and others; it becomes something we have to feed, keep alive, and justify.  If we don't, we think we allow the other person to be "right" in their unjust treatment of us.

But forgiveness can be one of the most powerful things we do.  Like any muscle, however, it has to be exercised to work well. Forgiveness can be complicated.  Sometimes we think that it equates to forgetting, diminishing, or condoning the misdeed, but it doesn't.  It has much more to do with freeing ourselves from its hold. Our ability to live our lives with love and generosity is impeded when we don't forgive.  It doesn't mean that we have to love and be generous to the woman who was disloyal to us at work or the man who belittled our ideas at a staff meeting.  It means we forgive them and liberate ourselves from further captivity.  Love and generosity will return in their own time (the same holds true for things that happen to us in our personal lives).

Importantly, when we go beyond ourselves--whether to forgiveness, unselfishness, thoughtfulness, generosity, and understanding toward others--we enter into the "spiritual realm" of meaning.  By giving beyond ourselves, we make our own lives richer.  This is a truth long understood at the heart of all meaningful spiritual traditions.  It's a mystery that can only be experienced.  And when we do experience it, we are in the heart of meaning.  We are no longer "prisoners of our thoughts."

Now ask yourself: Have you ever experienced the spiritual realm of meaning by extending beyond yourself in any of the ways mentioned above?  What is your perspective (and experience) with getting to forgiveness, be it in your personal life or at work? 

If you would like more information about the Logotherapeutic Principle of Self-Transcendence, that is, "Extend Beyond Yourself," see Chapter 10 of my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work.

Meaningfully,
Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
Learn more

NEW EDITIONS: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

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New Audiobook Digital Download Now Available! The digital download version of PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work can now be obtained from both iTunes and Audible.com, which means you can listen to it on your computer, iPod, or other MP3 player (the Audiobook CD version won't be released until July 1, 2008). Here is the direct link to Audible.com: Prisoners of Our Thoughts Digital Download
Also available on iTUNES. 

Eliot "Mess not Ness" Spitzer

There’s a time worn saying in politics that “the office corrupts the man (person).”  Is this what happened to New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, known as the “cape crusader” (Time Magazine had named him “Crusader of the Year” during his two terms as New York attorney general) and as “Eliot Ness” for his battle against corruption, including prostitution rings, and for his valiant efforts to clean up Gotham City?  How, we might ask, could he be so stupid?  Or so hypocritical?  Or so arrogant?!  Did he actually believe that he was above the law and therefore could do whatever he “desired” and wherever he was “driven,” even if it meant being dishonest to his family, constituents, and even to himself?  Whatever happened to “Honest Abe” Lincoln?  For those of you who might not be up on your American history, I’m referring to U.S. President Abraham Lincoln (who, by the way, was a Republican).

Whatever eventually happens to “Client 9,” legally, politically, and personally, it appears that this is a situation in which the “will to pleasure” and “will to power” have trumped the “will to meaning.”  For reasons that may not surface for some time, if ever, Mr. Spitzer’s authentic commitment to meaningful values and goals (i.e., the will to meaning) was sacrificed on multiple levels--personal, family, professional, and political.  Somewhere along his path, Spitzer lost his way; moving the needle on his moral/ethical compass from meaning to power and pleasure.  And, unfortunately, as usually is the case in such matters, there will be collateral damage in the wake of his personal choices.

Of course, especially during this milestone year in American politics, Governor Spitzer’s actions should not be cause to shy away from--and further distrust--those who take their responsibilities to “manage the public’s business” seriously, either as elected/appointed officials or as civil servants.  If anything, Eliot Spitzer has, once again, raised the bar when it comes to public sector ethics (even though I’m sure that he had not planned to do so in this particular way!).  Individually and collectively, let’s seek to learn and grow from the Eliot “Mess.”  Let’s hold our public officials responsible and accountable for “walking their talk” by demonstrating that we, the electorate, won’t take it any more!  And, as odd as it may seem, let’s thank Eliot Spitzer for demonstrating why it is so vitally important to raise the bar of expectations for those who seek elected office.  Indeed, we should make it perfectly clear that serving as a guardian of the public trust and interest is nothing less than a noble calling.  And as such, we fully expect and demand that our public officials demonstrate that it is the will to meaning, not power or pleasure, that guides their decisions and actions.

What thoughts come to mind for you as you think about
choosing meaning over power and pleasure in your own life?

Alex

Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
author, Prisoners of Our Thoughts
founder, Center for Meaning
Learn more

NEW EDITION: Prisoners of Our Thoughts
New edition of Prisoners of Our Thoughts in paperback, Audiobook CD, and digital download formats! Learn more

Buy a copy at Amazon.com

International Bestseller! PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS is included in the national Top-10 bestseller list for nonfiction books by EL PERIÓDICO, a national newspaper of Spain!