The other evening, by an unexpected sequence of events, I found myself left in a place of self-examination of actions and conscience. It started with a news report on CNN about Kim Jong-il. It was personal profile about North Korea's infamous leader, poking fun at him personally in every way one could imagine --- from describing his "bouffant hair" and "platform shoes used to increase his stature" to meanly joking about his lust for "young beautiful woman" --- an attribute not so uncommon among men worldwide, yes? They dug deep, with great contempt, to spotlight how he lets his people starve and live in unthinkable squalor ---- hmmm!...don't we do this ourselves in our own country and as we turn our heads away in places like Darfur and southeastern Nigeria with people begging for our help; others dying because they don't have it? The bantering went on with a tone meant to demean, "If he weren't North Korea's leader, we might start by calling him, hilarious. It went on, each cutting remark more personal in its attack.
I'm not sticking up for Kim Jong-il. However, as a recovering chubby girl, who was victim of this kind of mean-spirited talk by cruel boys, it gave me pause and flashbacks I can't believe I still remember. These same kind of "poke-fun" remarks came out of the mouths of many of our US top officials, military leaders and experts on the talk shows as they spoke about Kim Jong-il earlier this week after his unexpected show of dangerous bravado in launching seven missiles when the world least expected it. Only two that I heard ---- Bill Richardson and Madeleine Albright --- spoke about the need for MORE respectful communications as a start to building peaceful relations with North Korea and other neighbors.
QUESTIONS:
Of what value are the personal assaults?
How do personal assaults build bridges to understanding?
How do they help solve an obvious diplomatic crisis???
How do they lead to addressing the deepest human needs of all people?
How do personal assaults ever add value in any situation?
BULLYING BY EXAMPLE:
Interestingly, the feature that followed this report was on BULLYING of kids. It highlighted the horrors of bullying of school children, with a bunch of self-righteous adults discussing how our children must be stopped from bullying one another. I found myself asking, have we not set the example by our own behavior regularly??? Look at how we all treat one another ---- our political system is full of constant bullying; our foreign policy system carries a similar reputation; our talk shows; our movies; our TV shows are full of violence and bullying tactics; many of our corporations act without human care ---- aren't these seeding and manifesting what our children experience? aren't our own personal behaviors the teachers and perpetuators of this BULLYING plague? I bet it isn't too difficult to remember the last time you belittled or made fun of someone?
BULLYING PERSPECTIVE
Today I went to a website in New Zealand [http://www.nobully.org.nz/advicek.htm] to get an outside perspective. It was a site for children and their parents. See if these insights sound familiar:
WHAT IS BULLYING?
Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person. Some of the ways they bully other people are by: calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, taking or damaging their things, hitting or kicking them, or making them do things they don't want to do.
WHY DO SOME PEOPLE BULLY?
There are a lot of reasons why some people bully. They may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge. Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be being bullied themselves. Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.
Do you see what I mean?
Maybe we can start a new trend. First check your own behavior. Love your neighbor...love your enemies. As violence begets violence. So does respect beget respect. I'm with you. I plan to put these lessons into practice myself.
Debbe
Debbe Kennedy
Founder, Global Dialogue Center
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