Recently, I found a wonderful little book called Conversation: How Talk Can Change Our Lives by Theodore Zeldin. It seems that LOVE is a timely topic and conversation a unique connection to it.
One question Theodore Zeldin poses is "Can conversation really change the kind of LOVE we feel? He writes:
You might argue that nice people who like each other will inevitably have nice conversations. But I would reply that mutual attraction has notoriously never been enough to produce free and easy relationships. Lovers are increasingly not satisfied with just being loved: they want to know why they are loved, and that involves conversations; compliments are not enough. Take the case of a woman I have met who, despite her beauty, has always had trouble with men, because she argues rather than converses: she feels she has to win her arguments to prove that she is the equal of her man, she is relentless until he gives in; the result is mutual exhaustion. Or take the case of another woman who is too uncertain about what she thinks, or about her ability to express herself, so that she leaves men constantly guessing about her feelings, and gives the impression of being colder than she is. In both cases, I don't think the answer is simply for them to explain what they feel, because so long as they feel it, the same results will follow. But in conversation feelings are handed back and forth until an intimacy develops, and the other person's concerns become one's own. LOVE ultimately means that another person's welfare, hopes, and fears matter as much as one's own. Physical contact is the basic source of intimacy, but conversation extends that intimacy to many aspects of life where holding hands is not enough. That's why I think we are entering a new age in the conversation of LOVE."
With all the horrible things going on around the world and all the pressures of work and life, it was nice to take a few minutes to think about strengthening our ability to have meaningful conversations with those we love --- using them as gateways for coming closer together on a new level, discovering our own conversation of LOVE. I think this new consciousness about conversation can extend to our children and families and colleagues. The world would be a better place for us all --- our workplaces would be more welcoming --- are communities more peaceful, if we all worked to develop a conversation of LOVE within our span of influence. There is a gift to give far greater than chocolate or flowers, don't you agree?
"Love is the gift of one's inner most soul to another so both can be whole."
---unknown
Debbe Kennedy
Founder, Global Dialogue Center
Home of Women in the Lead
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