When we see men of worth, we should think how we may learn to equal them. When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inward and examine ourselves.
--- Confucius (c. 551 - c. 479 BC)
I usually don't write much about news stories here, but I wanted to share a few thoughts about the past week and the opportunity that sits in front of each of us to make a difference as women of influence.
The Imus faux pas seems to not only have taken over the airwaves, it has started a dialogue about behavior that seems to come very close to each of us --- probably closer than we think at first glance. Imus' behavior is without excuse and he appears to be having to be accountable on some levels.
With close examination, and a little honesty on our parts, I imagine all of us can think of a time when our words --- our unintended smart mouth --- our irrational words said in anger --- our hurtful comment said at someone else's expense --- have left deep and lasting scars on the lives of others. Bad words can sting. They can hurt deep inside and perhaps, at times, we don't even realize the permanence of our impact on others. Perhaps, you personally haven't used your words carelessly, but if not, it seems certain you can remember at least one instance where someone else hurt you with the weapon of words, yes?
Are our mistakes any less a sin than IMUS' insensitive blunder?
What the IMUS' situation has revealed in the past few days is that this sad incident, with all its appalling realities for the Rutger's women's basketball team, has become a revealing expose of our society today. We've allowed our culture to be one of meanness. We've even perhaps become addicted to it. Look at the violence in the movies we watch, the games we allow our children to play, the shows we see regularly on TV. These seem to seed a casualness about what used to be shocking.
The past week, the media did their part to hype it up, taking one man's bully tactics into a whole week of non-stop news. While it was happening, it seemed they were over-reaching, robbing us of what we probably needed to know, allowing ratings to trump hearing any other significant news stories about our country, the war, tributes to our fallen soldiers, reports on environmental changes and suffering of our neighbors all over the world needing our help and concern. However, I realize now that it seems no coincidence that it might have put the spotlight on the level of our cruelty, carelessness and meanness to one another. Somehow, it exposed the lust some have for this mean-spiritedness.
Have you noticed that in the process as a growing group fingers are pointing in every direction to blame someone, it appears the whole mess is putting a mirror right up in front of our own faces, asking us to do what Confucius suggested in his message above --- to examine ourselves; re-evaluate our own behavior; recommit ourselves to more care and consideration in how we communicate with one another. It seems this would be a big step forward don't you thing?
WOMEN HAVE AN IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY TO INFLUENCE
Helen Fisher, anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of THE FIRST SEX: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World, tells us we have a feminine empathy:
"I think women's emotional expressivity is a by-product of natural selection for one of humankind's most admirable traits, empathy---the capacity to experience vicariously the feeling of others."
Imagine what we could do putting this strength to work to stand up for creating a more loving and compassionate society --- think of the impact we could have as role models for others.
Learn more and listen to PODCAST with Helen Fisher
I invite you to join me in a week of self-examination. See how you use your words. Look for opportunities to set an example of love, concern and compassionate for others. See what you can do to help others see the need we have to build a more civil society than we know today.
Put your feminine empathy, knowledge and know-how to work this week!
I promise to do the same.
Debbe
Debbe Kennedy
Founder, Global Dialogue Center
Home of Women in the Lead
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