Over the last couple years or so, I have had the good fortune to be introduced to the Interfaith Encounter Association in Israel. My fascination with their quite amazing work to bring others together began when I, by chance, received their first email. They report often on the results achieved of events of many kinds. Not just the ususal facts, but very personal reports by individuals about the value and experience they had being with others. Last year, I wrote two pieces about their wonderful contribution to humanity: Middle East Peace Talks and Peace Talks in Jerusalem. I've also included a link at the bottom to an exclusive interview with IEA's executive director under my signature. All three of these pieces set the stage for this story:
Sometime back, I received a report from one of IEA's women's gatherings that I wanted to share with all of you. I wanted to share it again, because of its timing and the small glimmers for peace in the distance. Their story touched me and I am certain it will cause you to re-evaluate how well you invest in others by truly listening. Step inside the experience below...
"Listening to the Other's Narrative"
Story told by Ester - Interfaith Encounter Association Event, Israel
As I arrived at our usual meeting place at the Swedish Theological
Institute, Elana introduced me to Chana Rachel Frumin, who was going to be
our mentor for an unusual workshop.
In a short introduction about the Narrative Therapy Institute which Chana
Rachel has established, she explained that we all have a narrative, which we
desperately need to convey to the other. The trick is to find the other who
is willing to listen without commenting, without judging, just to listen.
This is what true communication is all about. To set us up for a taste of
it, she asked us to sit in pairs and the next 15 minutes one is going to
talk about some thing positive that has recently happened to her, while the
other just listens, no comments, just listens. She gave us a page with what
she calls little questions to help us along, such as:
" Can you elaborate on that?"
"Can you tell me a story about it?"
"How does it affect you?"
Well, as it turned out when we were asked to report on what it felt like, it
was not easy for the listener to refrain from interfering or commenting. For
some of us it was a new skill and needs to be practiced. But it felt good
for the one who did the uninterrupted talking, just to be listened to and
not to be judged. And because of the composition of our group, we had
interfaith pairs practicing these skills together -- Muslims and Jews
listening to each other, Christians and Jews sharing their experiences.
As the evening was too short to do a more intensive exercise, such as
"Externalizing the problem and mapping the effects," we were given the sheet
for that and just managed to do one more activity of listening in pairs. The
subject was about "What strength did you bring to the Inter-faith work? What
experience in life has helped you to develop your strength? Who knows about
it? etc" Again we were amazed how well it feels to be listened to and what
it takes to listen and just listen without commenting or judging.
Suddenly time was up and Chana had to leave, but not without leaving us with
the taste for more opportunities to be listened to and the ability to become
more attentive listeners. At the next meeting we plan to study what the
Koran, Torah, and Christian Bible teach us about listening to the narrative
of the other.
Only by listening can we learn something about the other...
A skill that is needed for better communication with the "Other" who ever he
or she may be.
A suggestion for one of our next meetings, instead of one person from each
religion preparing a presentation on a specific topic, we all prepare and
then we pair up to give each one the opportunity to talk and at the same
time practice listening to the narrative of the other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you are like me, when I read this beautiful capturing, it was almost like being there. I found myself imagining, wondering, wishing to be more conscious of my ability to listen to others and to more fully enjoy the experience of being listened to by others.
Thank you for listening. I would love to listen to your comments in return. :-)
Hope you will write to me.
Debbe Kennedy
Founder, Global Dialogue Center
Home of Women in the Lead
Learn more about the Interfaith Encounter Association in a Global Dialogue Center interview we did with their Executive Director, Dr. Yehuda Stolov, recent recipient of the Prize for Humanity.
This is a great time of year to begin re-evaluating everything. In organizations, it is a time when news of reorganization often arises and positions and roles are reconsidered. In our lives, it also is a time that calls us for renewal and change. In both cases, we often go to one extreme or another. Either re-evaluation escapes our priority list completely, which means we miss the opportunity for refreshing growth. Or sometimes we analyze our lives and work to death. We worry what others say and think...we get stuck and in the process, we get so wrapped up in our thinking, we paralyze ourselves in indecision.
