Wouldn't you love to know that your face and sense of being always reflected the inner confidence and self-assuredness of this dear little face? How do we slip away from this at times in our lives as grown women?
Self-esteem and self-respect are influenced by so many things that have touched our lives. Interestingly, with all the discussions and realities of gender differences, Helen Fisher, anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They are Changing the World, points out, "Men and women exhibit no difference in what psychologists call 'internal competitiveness,' the desire to meet personal goals and display excellence." YEAH! However, Helen does go on to tell us, "But men score much higher in 'external competitiveness,' the willingness to elbow others aside to get ahead."
Within our circle of women, as well as within the relationships we build with men, we are challenged to appreciate one another across a wide spectrum of dimensions of our difference. Whether it is cultural, ethnic, experiences, thinking styles, ways of expression, religion, skills, family, country, language or an array of other possibilities, there is much for us to consider about one other in every interaction. When I wrote my book, Putting Our Differences to Work, I had an opportunity to graphically demonstrate what I felt for so many years --- that a single dimension of difference --- even that of WOMAN --- hardly described all that each of us brings to our lives and work. There have been several enduring influences as I've thought about our origins of self-esteem and self-respect and how we can re-shape them by broadening our perspectives. One came from Maya Angelou:
"I note the obvious differences between each sort and type, but we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike."
While we want to fully embrace the many dimensions of difference that make us who we are. Sometimes, unintentionally we end up focusing far too much on what separates us and makes us different in our approach to life, instead of remembering our sameness too --- that most of us want the same courtesies and appreciation for who we are. Misunderstanding between men and women --- and women and women --- and men and men, often seems to come up because we get so invested in our way, our point of view, or our own needs that we end up in a face-off that is uncomfortable and sometimes a silent, lonely place of being misunderstood.
It also seems more and more that what lurks around misunderstanding on all sides are issues of self-esteem and self-respect that seem to stand in the shadows of the human experience for most of us ---even for those who stand outwardly so tall and confident. Here I always remember the wisdom of Sadie Delaney, one of the treasured Centenarians in the United States [BOOK: On My Own at 107 by Sarah L. Delaney]:
"You hear all this talk about self-esteem or self-respect, as if it were something other people could give you. ...What it really means is knowing you're a person of value."
What this says to me is that when we grow enough to truly---and consistently live---with a constant knowing of our value and potential for greatness, we can be more accepting of others who may not yet be in that place themselves --- or perhaps slip now and then, as we all do. How great it is that we are given such a rich opportunity to practice, growing in our own sense of self-esteem and self-respect every day, so we can in turn bring moments of listening and understanding to all who cross our paths.
How will you move through your life day-to-day this week --- this year --- with a greater sense of appreciation for yourself and others?
I leave you pondering this question myself and welcome your thoughts in return.
Warm regards...
Debbe
Debbe Kennedy
Founder, Global Dialogue Center
www.globaldialoguecenter.com
Home of Women in the Lead
Twitter: @debbekennedy
Author...
Putting Our Differences to Work
The Fastest Way to Innovation, Leadership and High Performance
by Debbe Kennedy ▪ Berrett-Koehler ▪ 2008 – Hardcover
Foreword by Joel A. Barker, futurist, filmmaker and author
www.puttingourdifferencestowork.com
This entry strikes a chord with me because it’s something I think about a lot, but more frequently the last few weeks than ever. One recommendation I’ve heard is to take a look at ourselves as if we were our friend observing us, and note our strengths, pay attention to what we love about ourselves, what makes us a good person, and to then record that and come back to it—remember it—hold onto it. does anyone have advice as to how we might work on ‘growing enough to truly---and consistently live---with a constant knowing of our value and potential for greatness, we can be more accepting of others who may not yet be in that place themselves’?
Posted by: Meredith | November 10, 2009 at 11:45 AM
Needed this Debbe...am workiing with a verge and what I thought was "fait accoompli" has turned out to be even more and a win win situation both for myself and another.....one step at a time to make radical changes :-)
Best regards
Nina
Posted by: Janina Browarska | November 22, 2009 at 03:24 AM
The picture of little girl is so cute :)
Great Article! It shows that the deepest wisdom comes from personal experience, and I want to say thank you for sharing your wisdom!
As you can imagine, I place a high priority on a high sense of self-esteem too (obviously, since I run a website on that topic). Your article has added another rich perspective to how I look at self-esteem. Thanks again!
http://www.selfesteemaffirmations.com
Posted by: Kc | January 03, 2011 at 08:38 AM
Please consider introducing Heather’s story, a series of ebooks entitled “Her Letters from Prison”, to your readers.
Heather Heaton's new ebook series ("Her Letters from Prison") is an inspirational resource for reading pleasure, review, contemplation, and discussion.
Heather's own testimony: "God changed my life in prison!"
"Her Letters from Prison" (Parts 1 & 2) will validate your inquisitive thoughts and doubts about what goes on in women’s prisons (It is what it is!); and it can justify the efforts spent toward women’s prison ministries. These two ebooks can be a motivational (tell-it-like-it-is) resource for drug rehab/prevention and reentry programs, especially when combined with "Her Letters from Prison – Part 4: Recycled – Second Time Around".
"Her Letters from Prison" is a non-fiction, inspirational, romance ebook series; with Heather's original letters (with prison art) included as images for authenticity. Heather's story describes how female offenders are perceived and handled (often abused) in the criminal justice system. The story continues (Part 4) to describe Heather's first two years of re-entry back into the real world and how she ended a destructive narcissistic-codependent relationship.
"Her Letters from Prison: Women-in-Prison" (Part 3) contains two PowerPoint presentations prepared for the University of Alabama/Women's Studies "Women in Prison" conference. Both presentations are based on Parts 1 & 2 of Heather's story; and they are entitled "Women-in-Prison (Almost Invisible)" and "Women-in-Prison (Facts/Myths)". Also, Heather's personal testimony is included in the Part 3 publication.
You can go to http://www.heather-heaton.com, and click on a direct link to Heather's Amazon.com and/or Smashwords "book pages" for “Her Letters from Prison”. Alternatively, you can visit Heather’s author pages:
1. http://www.amazon.com/author/heatherheaton
2. https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/heatherdh
Heather’s ebooks are also available in paperback format. The paperback book ("Her Letters from Prison") may be obtained by contacting Heather through her website "contact" form. The paperback book contains Part 1, 2, and 3 ebooks. "Her Letters from Prison - Part 4" will be published as its own paperback book soon.
Thanks for your time and consideration.
Heather Heaton
Posted by: Heather Heaton | July 30, 2012 at 04:09 AM